Smell Me, You’ll Love it!

How to Please and Delight in the Intimate Act of Sex Smelling

Many years ago I wrote an article which reflected on a long discussion I had with a dear friend of mine on Japan and the wonderful, peculiar, quirky, Japanese sexual aesthetic.

Our conversation focused on the Japonaise (in that context) fetish of women’s panties and their ubiquity along the streets of major urban centers inside vending machines, or more accurately, gashapon machines. (There has been some discussion on how much of this is actually true, as well as the misogynist connotation of the practice and representations. My intent is not to perpetuate (or dismiss) it but to acknowledge that it exists and discuss it in the context of consent between adults).

Used panties in vending machines! To get the sudden urge to take a whiff of the nether regions is one thing, to make it commonly acceptable to purchase stained panties from a public vending machine, at a societal level, is another.

This simple notion of why some people obsess over the act of panty sniffing made me think about the much broader kink and delight of the scent — and the subsequent act of smelling — of the body, of the genitals, and the arm-pits.

ANECTDOTE

We discussed the esoteric, ridiculous, and sexist Play Station 2 advertising campaign by the French advertising firm TBWA-Paris which included spreads of men smelling panties that were shaped like the four PS2 joystick buttons (square, triangle, etc..) to highlight the extent of this obsession (pictured below).

I was enjoying our chat but sensed that my friend was leading me somewhere…as if he was slowly peeling away the layers of some hidden secret he wanted to share with me — something taboo, uncommon…personal.

Over the next thirty minutes his story came to light. In short, he recounted how in a moment of weakness and driven by a dry sexual spell he happened upon an open hamper in his brother’s apartment. In the hamper, all on its own, he saw a pair of dirty panties which he assumed belonged to his brother’s girlfriend.

He told me, how at the mere sight of the panties he immediately felt an intense arousal; a warming in his body…a swelling of his cock…a lust-filled haze. He confided in me that until that moment the thought had never crossed his mind. He acted instinctively, he said. He wasn’t thinking…just responding.

He reached down for those solitary panties, spittle drooling from his mouth down his lips…

The rest of his story is not material.

DISCUSSION

What is material though, is that until he shared this story with me, I had never thought of the smell of sex in this way. In fact, I was conditioned and expected to be put off by the (natural) smell of a vagina, a cock, or even general body odor.

Having said that, I did harbor a vague (like my friend, almost instinctual) sense that I was not repelled by the “smell”. That I in fact found it stimulating! I remembered enjoying the remnant smell of a sexual encounter on my hands, on my fingers, on my face. Yet, until that discussion I had not made the broader link, or taken the bigger leap.

Over the years I have not only taken that leap, but have embraced it as a threshold act of sexual intimacy with a partner. In fact, the more I became aware of how much I enjoyed my own smell and that of my partners, the more fascinated I became with the phenomenon. The more I incorporated into my sexual practice and my sexual expressions.

I started to research and discuss it with my partners as well as anybody that was open to it. I was amazed to discover not only how common “fascination” was, but also how expansive and inclusive it could be.

Even now, a cursory search represents the extent of this previously thought of uncommon fetish. Take a look at some of these articles:

• I Love the Smell of My Vagina by Stacie Herrera on Medium’s Candour Pub
• Why The Smell Of Your Vagina Can Be A Turn On For Your Partners in Refinery29 which quotes:

According to Amanda Luterman, a psychotherapist who specializes in sexuality, there’s “no question” that vaginal odors can be arousing. “It’s not supposed to smell like skin, an arm, or an elbow,” she says. “It’s supposed to smell like the inside of a person’s otherwise unseen — that’s the intimacy of it.” And many people are turned on by sniffing genitals precisely because the scent is 100% natural, so it can bring up primal, animalistic urges, says Galen Fous, a kink-positive sex therapist and fetish sex educator.

• Meet the Guys Obsessed With the Smell of Vagina in Cosmopolitan Magazine with the sub-title in the following quotes:

“I worship the scent, and I’m thankful they let me.”

Now, most of these articles in the pop media are geared towards the female genitals but there is a also a large amount of discussion about the smell of men’s genitals…particular the uncircumcised penis — much of it negative.

However, a good deal positive such as on boards in reddit and quora and other outlets:

• 13 Women Describe What Their Boyfriend’s Penis Tastes Like
• Men, Let Us Smell You with the sub-title of “Your natural scent is a turn-on” in the Medium publication of Sexography (an excellent resource).

BUT WHY? SOME RESEARCH

“Physical attraction itself may literally be based on smell.”

Scents and Sensibility, the comprehensive and excellently titled article in Psychology Today makes a very strong evidenced-based case of the importance of smell as a “scent-based signaling mechanisms to suss out compatibility.”

This new line of research suggests that we are not only equipped and wired to choose a partner whose smells we like but that the choices we make have profound biological implications. Since we have this scent capability software and hardware in place, Randy Thornhill, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of New Mexico, believes “…it is not surprising to find smell capacity in the context of sexual behavior.”

“…it is not surprising to find smell capacity in the context of sexual behavior.”

The article focuses on MHC’s, or major histocompatibility complex. A sequence of + 100 immune system which code for proteins that help the immune system recognize pathogens and seems to influence mate selection.

Certainly interesting science which supports my case for why we should love and embrace natural body smells. A more practical reason is the quote from psychologist Rachel Hertz, the author of Scent of Desire:

“…one of the most common things women tell marriage counselors is, ‘I can’t stand his smell,’”.

And, lastly, even the Social Issue Research Center (SIRC) in its review of other studies and general literature highlight the attractive powers of pheromones in their Smell Report.

Widely publicised research findings on female sensitivity to male pheromones have also led some men to believe that the odour of their natural sweat is highly attractive to women. Women are indeed highly sensitive to male pheromones, particularly around ovulation, but many popular assumptions about the effects of these pheromones are the result of misinterpretation and over-simplification of the research results. All male pheromones are not equally attractive, and some of the myths stem from an understandable confusion over their names.

REFLECTION

Today’s reflection is not meant to be an inquiry into the science of smell or to rationalize the impulse, instinct, or repulsion. Today’s reflection is simply to surface the delightful and intimate act of smelling each other. Smelling each other’s genitals, arseholes, armpits, pubic hair. Feeling accepted and liberated from the puritanical and clinical ideas that engender shame and embeds a sense of the “filthy” around our smells. In its most basic and primal forms it is a true expression of ourselves…through our smell we project tacitly and powerfully our current state and bare selves.

The 20th-century hygiene revolution and the rise of the personal-care industry have reframed the epitome of sex appeal as something that is perfumed or de-odorized. Such products may actually get in the way of finding good mates, by masking our true scent and making it difficult prospect and to assess for compatibility.

“Humans abuse body smell signals by hiding them, masking them, putting on deodorant,” says Devendra Singh, a psychologist at the University of Texas. “The noise-to-signal ratio was much better in primitive society.”

I believe there are few moments that are more vulnerable, more intimate, and provide one with a greater sense of being accepted than when our partner(s) rejoices in our smell…and we delight in theirs…

SEX SMELLING; HOW TO:

First off, if you are into “Sex Smelling” or think you might be into Sex Smelling, you should consider where you fall on the continuum.

1. “I think so”
2. “a little”
3. “somewhat more than a little”
4. “yes”
5. “fuck, YES”

94% of people smell themselves according to a 2020 a Royal Society Publication, “Are humans constantly but subconsciously smelling themselves?”.

How many smell their own genitals and like it? I don’t know. I have not been able to find that study, but I believe it’s a lot of people. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a practice you should embrace and develop.

Here is how:

• Introduce: broach the subject with you partner
• Discover: start with the less “taboo” areas…neck, hair, chest, and then move to the armpits, the pubic area. Or jump straight to 3 :)
• Try: spend some time in between each other’s legs. Not just sucking and licking but actually taking in the smell of the general area
• Engage: more directly, begin to smell the sexual organ and its component parts — the cock head, the clitoris, the arsehole, under testicles, around the lips
• Embrace: at this point you may want to start asking your partner to provide you with a more ritualized approached such as carving out discreet moments for Sex Smelling or asking them not to shower following a workout, or a night of sleep. This is where you start to develop your own practice.